


SAMMY LET ME GO

by ncsupnatfan



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Family, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-20
Updated: 2015-07-29
Packaged: 2018-04-10 08:34:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4384883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ncsupnatfan/pseuds/ncsupnatfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Short take on my thoughts of what might take place after S10 E2.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

A/N: My thoughts on S10 E2. Leave me a kudos or comment if you enjoyed it. NC

Sam's POV

Sam stared down at the object in his hand channeling his hate and contempt at the blade. He turned it over in his hand feeling the smoothness and roughness at the same time as his emotions fought each other wondering if he had made the right choice. At least he had his brother back.

"Pleasure doin' business with you." Crowley said holding out his hand.

"What're you going to do with it?" Sam asked biting his lip.

"Toss it in a volcano, leave it on the moon, I'll get creative. Believe me I don't want Dean getting his hands on the precious any more than you do." Crowley noted glancing in the back seat of the Impala at Dean. "Your brother knows I ratted and he tends to hold a grudge. I don't wanna get boned." 

Sam gave him a b*tch face at the pun.

"This doesn't make us square. If I see you again..." Sam starts before Crowley interrupted.

"Stop it Samatha, no one likes a tease." he told him before disappearing.

xxxxxxxxxx

Sam drove into the night toward the bunker. 

"This thing is filthy." he said pushing food wrappers off the dash.

"It's just a car Sam." Dean answered in a flat monotone voice.

"It's just a car, wow, you really have gone dark."

"You have no idea."

"You know what Dean, I saw what happened back there, you could of killed that guy and you didn't. You took mercy on him." Sam said hoping he would see some glimmer of his Dean in there.

Dean laughed to himself. "You call that mercy? Image spendin' your whole life huntin' down the guy who hacked your father. When you finally find him, he whips you like a dog. How do you think that feels? That kid's goin' to spend his whole life knowin' that he had his shot and that he couldn't beat me. That ain't mercy, that's the worse thing I could have done to him." Dean spelled out to Sam. "And what I'm going to do to you Sammy, well that ain't going to be mercy either." he smirked.

Sam swallowed hard as the hairs on the back of his neck stood up and he gripped the steering wheel tighter. That was not his brother talking, that was the mark, that damn mark that did this. Sam gritted his teeth as the tiniest thread of doubt began to weave its way into this thoughts. He was doing the right thing, he had to try, Dean would have done the same for him, he couldn't give up now. There was no turning back, he would see this through or die trying. He pressed on the gas pedal harder causing the car to jerk forward slightly as the power of the engine kicked in.

xxxxxxxxxx

Sam checked the chains and locks one more time before stepping back from Dean. He was sitting in the dungeon, in a devil's trap, in a chair, his feet chained to the floor and his hands handcuffed. 

Dean looked down at his bonds in disgust. 

"You really think you can keep me in here, trapped Sammy? When I get loose and believe me, I will get free, I am going to make you suffer, oh so slowly in ways you could never image." he warned Sam as he turned to leave.

Sam's step faltered for a moment as he felt a cold, bone chilling shiver run down his spine. He didn't bother to answer his brother as he closed the door behind him locking it. He leaned against the wall for a moment trying to gain the strength to make his legs support him and carry him out of there.

"Gonna hurt you bad Sammy!" Dean yelled through the door.

xxxxxxxxxx

Sam pushed himself off the wall and stumbled down the hall toward his bedroom. He hadn't had a shower in what three, four days and the thought of one was very appealing right now. Sam stripped off his jacket and grabbed sweats, tee, briefs and his bathroom bag before heading to the bathroom.

Hot steam began to fill the room, as Sam stripped his clothes off and adjusted the temperature of the spray. He stepped into the hot water cringing as it hit his battered body. He stood there for a moment, hands splayed out on the tile wall before stepping back until his back was against the back wall. He slowly let the weight of his body slide down the wall until he was sitting with his arms around his legs and his head resting on his knees.

Water beat down on his head as a sob escaped his lips and tears mingled with the water running down his face. His shoulders shook, as all the pent up anguish, hopelessness and grief bore down on him with such force he could barely breathe. His wails increased in volume and echoed in the enclosed space of the shower. The past events since Dean's death tumbled over and over in his mind like a film strip on a loop. So many emotions bombarded him and beat him down with such force, he felt like a dump truck ran him over.

He felt weak, useless, and was beginning to have doubts about his decisions. Was he strong enough to help Dean, especially when it seem Dean didn't want help, that he seemed to like being a demon. It was so hard to wrap his mind around that, how his brother truly wanted to stay one of the things they hunted. Had they not had enough dealing with demons, from the one who bled in his mouth at six months old to the many others that had invaded their lives, killing their friends, trying to destroy them time and time again that he wouldn't want to try to be cured. No, he couldn't believe Dean was gone, there had to be some small spark of humanity left in there somewhere and Sam was going to do whatever it took to find it and bring his brother back.

Sam slowly stood up and picked up his shampoo to wash his hair before he lost all the hot water. Days of sweat and grim ran down the drain as he washed his body one handed as quickly as he could before turning off the water. Sam grabbed a towel and ran it over his wet body stretching his sore muscles as he went, being careful of his injured shoulder. He wiped his hand across the mirror and eyed the purple and black bruises that were decorating his skin over his back and stomach. He turned to get a better look at his back and grimaced from the move. He had lost weight over the past few months causing his tall body to look even more lank.

Sam slipped on his clothes before heading to his bedroom to lay down. Sleep was the last thing on his mind, but his body was telling him different. He needed to at least get a few hours of sleep before he collapsed. He couldn't help his brother if he couldn't think straight. Sam stretched his body out on the bed and closed his eyes in exhaustion. The hot shower had at least taken some of the pain and ache out of his body allowing him to rest a little easier.

xxxxxxxxxx

Pictures of his brother flashed through Sam's mind as he twitched in his sleep. He had never seen such deep hatred and rage emitting from the body of his brother. It was getting harder to call him that now that he saw just how dark he had become. There were no feelings, no emotions, no caring that had once been his brother. Some how he had to make Dean see there was still some humanity left in him. He was worth saving. No matter how hard he tried to push him away and threaten him, he was not turning his back on his brother. 

Sam grunted in his sleep as he moved his injured shoulder wrong. Little waves of pain wafted down his arm to his fingers making them spasm. He turned on his left side trying to get in a comfortable position so sleep could pull him under again. 

xxxxxxxxxx

His head felt like it was full of cotton as Sam winced from the pain that shot through his temples. A headache was making itself known loud and clear as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He hated to admit it, but he seemed worse after trying to get some sleep. His eyes were swollen and red rimed and he couldn't breath through his nose from the congestion in his sinuses. 

Sitting up was not as good an idea as he thought, when the room tilted and his stomach lurched, sending acid into his throat. He fought back the bile swallowing hard, choking it back down. He kept his head down for a few more minutes as things settled down enough for him to get up. He grabbed Kleenex from the nightstand and tried to clear his head enough to be able to breath, before deciding what to do.

After being sure his legs were going to support him, he made his way to the kitchen and pulled a cold bottle of water out of the fridge. He twisted off the cap and downed half the bottle before taking a breath. As the water hit his stomach it was all he could do to keep it down. After several deep breathes, his stomach settled and he was able to draw in a shallow breath. He knew he needed to eat something and gazed into the empty fridge. Tracking Dean down had kept him away from the bunker and the shelves were bare. He guessed the first thing he needed to do was stock up with supplies. He knew the days ahead were going to be hard ones and he needed to be prepared for the worse. Closing the door with a sigh, Sam looked around for the keys to the Impala. He had waited this long to find his brother, he could wait a little long before confronting him. Maybe this meaningless task would be good for him to calm his mind and prepare him for dealing with his brother.

xxxxxxxxxx

Sam speed dialed Cas as he looked at the fruit and vegetables in the produce section.

"Hello." Cas answered.

"Cas, Sam, look man, I wanted you to know I found Dean and I have him at the bunker."

"Sam you think that is wise? You don't know what your brother is capable of, it could be dangerous for you."

"I know, but I'm not giving up on him, he wouldn't give up on me." he said quietly.

"I'm on my way there."

"See ya Cas." Sam said hanging up and picking up some tomatoes and lettuce. 

xxxxxxxxxx

When Sam decided he had enough food to last a few weeks, he headed for the checkout. Luckily the lines where short and he was able to get out quick.

Sam carried the bags to the kitchen and began to put away the food. He stopped when he picked up the small pie he had bought out of habit, not even realizing he was doing it. He sat it back down on the counter and stared at it for a long time, blinking back the tears, before finishing his task.

He started a pot of coffee wondering if Dean even needed to eat or drink anymore. He needed to have a plan on how to do this, Dean was smart when he was human, he knew he would be deadly as a demon. He couldn't let his guard down for a moment when he was around him, he knew that. 

Sam poured a cup of coffee and began to walk down the hall toward the dungeon. He unlocked the door and pushed it open looking into the face of his brother.

"Hello Dean." Sam said from the doorway.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Dean smirked when he saw Sam falter in his steps. He knew his brother and knew how he ticked, so it was so easy to get under his skin. He laughed out loud as Sam closed the door locking it, like that would hold him now.

His eyes roamed the room he knew so well as he took in each dark, gloomy corner. His hands curled into fists as he pulled hard on the cuffs that entrapped his wrists. The silver metal bit into his skin rubbing it raw. With these on he couldn't heal himself, he couldn't use his powers, but he was Dean ffingWinchester, he had gotten out of worse spots and this would not be an exception.

The growing anger and rage began to seep up out of the recesses of his mind. He thought back over the events of the past from dying, he knew that had happened, he could still feel when his soul left his body. He remembered blackness and swirling fog, an emptiness so vast it almost overwhelmed him. And then a dark force began pulling him back, drawing him, sucking him back to a world he was through with.

The first feeling of his new self were ones of wonder and shock. As he drew in his first breath as the new Dean, all feelings, emotions, guilt, and worry fell away. He was free, free to do whatever he wanted. It was like the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders. This release from all the human aspects was like a breath of fresh air. The not having feelings was so new to him, he wasn't sure what to do, but one thing was sure he couldn't stay here, he had to leave. Crowley was as good as anyone to hang with, that is, until he got tired of him. He figured it would be a good idea to pick up a few tips on being a demon from the King of Hell.

spn

Dean looked down at the piece of paper he had written on. He read the words again, Sammy let me go, before placing it on his pillow and leaving. He knew he couldn't stay here, and why would he, he was dead to his brother. It was time he did let go of the old life he had and embrace the new life ahead of him. It was time to go howl at the moon and live a little.

With a deep breathe, Dean let a cunning smile cross his face. So far his plan was working, he was surprised Sam had fell so easily for the capture. Even injured, Sam should have been better than that, baby brother was slipping. Plus he didn't pat him down too good he thought as he slipped a lock pick from the cuff of his jacket. This was just too easy it was almost pathetic.

Sam had no thought about the fact Dean had used these cuffs before and knew how they worked, so he knew their weakness. He adjusted his hands and began to pick the lock on the cuff. He growled to himself as the pick slipped and fell from his fingers bouncing on the floor rolling to the side of the chair.

"Crap." he muttered leaning over trying to reach the pick that was just out of his reach. Anger began to surface faster than it should as he jerked on the cuffs again making them bite deeply into his skin. A thin trickle of blood ran from under the cuff and down his hand. Dean stared intently at the blood as a lust rose to the surface causing him to stiffen his body. He swallow hard and pushed it back down knowing it couldn't be satisfied now, not yet, not until he got what he came for.

Dean slipped his belt off and used it to pull the pick to where he could pick it back up. He worked again on the left cuff calming himself so he could feel the mechanism and its parts. Closing his eyes, he worked the lock, twisting the pick until after what seemed like hours it finally opened halfway. Dean grumbled as he moved it around deciding the quickest way to get it off was to dislocate his thumb and pull it over his hand.

With a grunt, Dean popped his thumb out of the joint and quickly slipped the cuff off. He pushed his thumb back into place feeling the bones scrap against each other with a grating noise. He held the lock pick between his lips biting down harder to be sure he didn't drop it. That should of hurt but he just shrugged his shoulders and began to work on the other cuff, maybe he could get this one off all the way without having to tear his thumb up. This side didn't take as long and he dropped them to the floor by the chair.

Two down and one more to go, Dean examined the lock around his ankle seeing it would be child's play to trip it and get it off. He took the pick and had the chain off and laying on the floor in record time. He got up and stretched looking at his wrists as they began to heal. He walked around the edge of the devil's trap contemplating how he was going to trick Sam into breaking the trap. It shouldn't be hard knowing his brother wanted to try and fix him. He walked around the circle again before going back to the chair and setting down. It wouldn't be long and Sam would be back down here with his whiny attitude wanting him to be cured. He didn't get it, didn't see it, this was him now, this was his life. He was the one who decided who he was and what he did.

Dean waited, one thing he found he had more of was time. He didn't have to deal with the world ending or monsters or protecting his baby brother. He was liberated from that whole deal of saving people, putting his life on the line, and going from one hunt to the next. All that was a thing of the past, the future was his for the taking and he was going to enjoy every minute of it.

He could hear movement outside the door and picked up the cuff holding them partly on his wrist. He waited as the key scraped in the lock and the door was pushed open.

spn

Sam stood in the doorway looking in at the face of his big brother. A face who had been there for him his whole life. A face that now showed signs of contempt, anger, disgust, hatred toward him. He took a deep breathe and stilled himself for this encounter.

"Hello Dean." Sam said from the doorway.

"Well if it isn't my savior." Dean sneered at him.

"I brought you a cup of coffee, do you still even drink coffee?" he asked holding the cup out in front of him.

"If I want, got anything stronger? I'm sure I've got a bottle somewhere in this place."

"Dean, that's the last thing you need. Are we going to talk about this?"

"What is there to talk about Sam? I'm fine with this, it's you who has a problem."

"I don't believe that, I know there's some humanity left in you, and I'm going to prove it."

"Give it your best shot and when you fail, don't say I didn't warn you." 

Sam stiffened and gritted his teeth, clenching his jaw as he fought back the retort he knew Dean was trying to provoke from him. No, he wouldn't fall for that, he had to be smarter than him. Sam sat the coffee just within reach and stepped back before turning, heading back out.

"Giving up so easily there Sammy?" he goated as the door swung back shut and the light was switched back off leaving him in shadows once again.

spn

Sam leaned back against the door and closed his eyes feeling drained from the brief encounter with his brother. He was still exhausted and that didn't help him cope with the stress of the situation. He had to come up with a plan on how to get through to Dean and bring him back and he couldn't do it right now with his state of mind. He tried not to think about what Dean had said to him and how it had made him feel. During his whole life Dean had been his protector, his hero, someone he knew he could always depend on to keep him safe, but now Demon Dean wanted to kill him. Between the mark and the first blade, they were pulling him down a dark, dangerous path of destruction. 

A grumbling sounded from Sam's stomach letting him know he needed to eat. He trudged toward the kitchen trying to decide what to eat. He hadn't had much of an appetite since that day Dean disappeared and it had not improved. He shuffled into the kitchen and to the fridge to survey the contents, finally pulling out a yogurt before shutting the door. He grabbed a spoon from the strainer and headed for the couch to try and unwind and relax for a few minutes.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 3

Dean looked down at the cup of coffee as he dropped the cuffs to the floor. He didn't need coffee, but he still drunk it out of habit. After finishing the coffee, Dean's mind began to whir as he worked out a plan to release himself from the devil's trap.

He took the coffee cup and broke the handle off. Taking the handle carefully in his fingers, he began to scratch at the line on the floor making a groove that became bigger as he worked patiently digging the shard deeper into the cement floor ignoring the blood that was slowly beginning to trickle between his fingers. He knew he only had to have a paper thin break to be released. After nearly an hour he was satisfied when he felt the power of the trap decline. Standing up, he stepped out of the trap and to the door healing his wounds as he walked.

He pushed aside the racks and walked to the locked door inspecting it for any signs of a trap or warding. Satisfied it was safe, he pushed hard breaking the lock and freeing himself from his prison. He looked up and down the hall deciding what to do first, find the object he was looking for or search for his little brother and have some fun. 

Figuring it would be better to get Sam out of the way first, he slowly walked down the hall toward the living quarters and kitchen. He couldn't wait to see the look on his little brother's face when he surprised him. He should of known better than try and trap him. This was not going to end well for Sam any way he looked at it.

But the surprise was on Dean; he rounded the corner and was stopped short to see Sam standing in the hall, leaning against the wall, looking his way.

"Wondered how long it would take you to get out." he said crossing his arms.

Dean frowned watching his brother's posture and wondering why he wasn't running or seemed afraid.

"You don't seem afraid anymore little brother." Dean smirked stepping closer to his younger brother. "You're in for a world of hurt here Sammy boy." 

Sam stood his full height and threw his hand out pinning Dean to the wall. Dean grunted as the wind was knocked out of him for a moment. He looked up at his brother and saw not fear, but a look of defiance and determination. 

"What did you do Sammy?" he accused trying to pull himself loose from the wall.

"I decided to fight fire with fire Dean. We are going to do this cure whether you like it or not. I suggest you cooperate, doesn't matter to me whether you're conscious or not." he said releasing him from the wall.

Dean started falling but caught himself before he went down to the floor. He looked at Sam searching for clues to what he did.

"Oh Sammy, having a demon cocktail are we?" he grinned seeing a look of anger cross his face.

"Go on back to the dungeon, I want to get this started." he ordered pushing Dean but keeping well out of his reach.

With a look of hatred, Dean turned and began to walk back toward the dungeon as Sam followed behind him. Dean stopped at the door to the dungeon looking in with disgust.

"Go on, it's going to happen Dean, let's just get it over with." Sam said waiting for him to enter.

"Can't go down without a fight Sammy." he replied swinging around suddenly to attack only to be thrown against the wall with such force it knocked him out. 

Sam stood over his brother's body looking at the crumpled form before reaching down to grab his arms and drag him back into the devil's trap chaining him back to the chair. He carefully checked the trap out and found where Dean had scratched away at the circle and got out.

Looking around on the work bench, he found what he needed to repair the break and make it stronger. Sam busied himself with the work and quickly made the trap whole again leaving Dean in the middle of it chained back in the chair.

spn

Sam headed back to the kitchen to get the blood he had stashed there that had been blessed by the local priest. He made sure the syringes were ready and headed back to the dungeon and his brother. He was going to start the cure whether Dean wanted it or not. 

The prick of the needle roused him the rest of the way awake. He looked up to see his brother holding an empty needle watching him closely. A burning sensation began to creep through his veins as he grimaced slightly trying his best to not show the uncomfortable feelings he was having.

"You going to stand there and gloat, think this is going to change me?"

"The only thing I know is that I have to try and save you."

"Why? What's changed, tell me? You disowned me, claimed we're not brothers that I shouldn't have saved you; I was selfish and was doing it for me. What the hell are you doing? I told you to let me go."

"What do you want me to say, I was wrong about some of the things I said. I'm still mad about the angel thing, but I shouldn't of said we we're not brothers, we'll always be brothers no matter what."

Dean laughed and glared at him. "Sam, Sammy you can't have it both ways. Just how dark did you go?"

Sam stiffened and stuck his chin out while biting the inside of his jaw hard enough to taste blood in his mouth. He fought back the shame and hurt that was building and headed out of the room.

"What's wrong, I hit a nerve Sammy." he yelled after him waiting for him to get out of ear shot before he allowed himself to moan out loud.

He panted hard as the foreign substance wove and trickled through his veins finding every nook and hidden space. Something was happening, maybe at a microscopic level, but a change was beginning in his body.

spn

Sam punched the wall outside his bedroom as the raw emotions tore him apart. Damnit his brother knew the buttons to push and with the demon blood making all his emotions super sensitive, it was about to destroy him. He cradled his sore hand in his injured one realizing self harm was not the way to go. He had to think smarter than Dean, be smarter than him. He pushed off the wall and headed for the kitchen for a drink and some ice for his hand.

The power coursing through him was starting to dwindle as the blood was absorbed into his system. He could feel the pull and the craving scratching its way upward ready to rear its ugly head. He swallowed hard fighting the urge that was drawing him to the remainder of the blood he had stashed. The coppery, salty taste still lingered on his taste buds from the bite on the inside of his cheek. He had to hold on, he had to continue the blood shots for Dean, this had to end now, one way or the other, and it was ending. Good or bad, no matter which way the tide turned, he was seeing this through to the end.

spn

His stolen grace was almost gone; Castiel could feel his life force slipping away. He had hoped to see the Winchester one more time before this happened, but it looked like that was not going to happen. He was beaten, bleeding and struggling to draw in one more breathe. He felt his head being raised and someone telling him to breathe. Warm, glowing mist invaded his nostrils as grace poured into him charging his body and replenishing his burned out grace. Castiel blinked several times as his body healed and strength returned. Not sure what had just happened, he pulled himself up and looked around wondering who and how someone had angel grace and why they gave it to him. Now that his strength was returning he could continue to the bunker and help Sam. This mystery would have to wait until Dean was cured, if that was possible. Castiel climbed back into his car and headed toward the bunker.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Wanting to be alone, Sam bypassed the kitchen and headed for the garage. He had been cleaning out the inside of Dean's Baby since it seemed demon Dean didn't care for her. He grunted as a prick of pain bounced around in his gut. Sam had forgotten how annoying these little side effects were as his body was telling him he needed a fix. He drew in a deep breath trying to push the pain back down.

Sam put on gloves and grabbed the trash can before he began to pull wrappers, papers, empty coffee cups and soda cans from under the two seats. He wrinkled his nose at the mess, trying to hold his breath until he was done. Moving the shop vacuum closer, he began to clean the carpet of dirt, crumbs and pieces of paper. He crawled into the back half laying on the seat and hanging his head down to see under the front seats so he could suck out any remaining trash. Sam cracked his neck as he pulled himself out of the pretzel position he had gotten in. A green shape caught his eye and he paused for a moment and focused on the green toy soldier crammed into the ash tray of the door. Memories flooded into his mind of a time when things seemed so normal, when he felt so innocent, unaware of the supernatural world around him. It seemed like a life time ago that they were young and traveling with their father. He had yet learned about what goes bump in the night and that their father hunted them. Dean was his big brother, who he looked up to, he was his hero, he was Batman. Sam sadly shook his head and pushed those memories back into a box closing the lid not wanting to feel the deep sadly they brought on.

There it was again, that tiny pin prick of a craving trying to make itself known like an itch that you can't reach to scratch. He squared his shoulders and did his best to ignore the urge calling to him to satisfy the hunger. He could see the deep crimson liquid through the glass vial; he could smell the hint of minerals; he could almost taste that coppery, salty sip of blood on his tongue; he could image the feel of the wetness as it made its way down his throat and began to work through his blood stream dousing the hunger building in him. Sam tried to reason with himself, weight the pros and cons, convince himself one little sip would suffice. He would finish the injections for Dean and then there would be no need of the blood, he could trash it. Could he pour it down the drain? Did he have a strong enough will power to discard it and go cold turkey? He looked down at his trembling hand trying to force it to still.

A cold sensation worked its way up his back as he felt minute beads of sweat popping out on his forehead. He shivered as the chill crept deep into his very core, while heat seemed to radiate off him in waves. With a quick swipe, Sam drew a hand across his forehead removing the droplets of sweat. He grimaced willing his body to not betray him now with only a few more hours to go. One injection an hour for eight hours, time seemed to be dragging since he had given Dean the first injection. Sam so wanted this day to be over with and to see if his brother would return to him. He knew something was happening to Dean, but was it curing or killing him.

spn

"Sam, it's almost time." a male voice said from behind him.

Sam jumped from the sound and glanced back at Castiel standing off to the side of the Impala. He looked at Sam cautiously unsure if he should continue. He stood there waiting for Sam to respond.

"Thanks, I'll be there in a few, almost done on the inside." Sam answered grabbing a cloth to wipe the inside. Baby was starting to look like herself again and Sam was pleased with his work. 

"Alright, I'll be in the kitchen, I thought I would make some dinner for you." Castiel said turning to leave.

"Cas, just don't burn the place down ok?"

"I don't intend to Sam." Cas answered sincerely.

"It was a joke, Cas." 

"Right, I still have trouble understanding what you consider jokes."

"Its ok, I'll be in shortly." Sam half smiled at the angel trying to hide the discomfort he was experiencing.

Cas only nodded and headed back into the bunker and the kitchen. He was not very adept in the kitchen, but his heart was in the right place. 

spn

Sam picked up the needle and turned to Dean, who was barely conscious, stepping close enough to inject the blood into his arm. Dean twitched slightly, but didn't raise his head or open his eyes.

"Only one more and we'll be done Dean." Sam whispered looking down at the last needle lying on the table. One more and it would over, one way or the other. He had to be positive, he had to believe that he was not killing his brother, but was returning his humanity to him. "Hang in there bro, one more hour."

Dean barely moved at the sound of his voice as he struggled with his inner demons. As Sam was turning to go Dean yelled and lunged at him breaking his bonds to tackle Sam to the floor. Sam went down under Dean's weight, his head meeting the floor with a sickeningly smack. He shook his head as pain shot through it while he pushed his brother off him and to the side. When his vision finally cleared he saw Dean laying on his side, his body in spasms. 

"Dean!" Sam cried pushing himself up enough to reach Dean and roll him to his back. His body continued to spasm uncontrollably in Sam's grasp. "Come on Dean you can fight this."

Sam positioned his back against the wall and pulled Dean further up onto his chest, letting his head fall back onto his shoulder. He wrapped his arms tightly around his brother's body holding him against his body. Heat radiated off Dean as Sam used one hand to feel for his pulse and to check his breathing. It was running rampant as Dean continued to twitch and his breathe came out in short raspy pants. A small trickle of blood ran from a small cut on Dean's forehead making its way down his cheek.

"Fight this Dee, I'm here, you're not alone." Sam whispered into his ear as he caught a whiff the demon blood that trailed down Dean's cheek. He drew in a shaky breathe as his body shook with his brother's. Sam clenched his eyes shut as he fought the hunger building deep in his stomach. No, he couldn't do it, this was his brother, no way would he feed off him. Using all his will power, Sam fumbled his cell out of his pocket and dialed it.

"Hello."

"Cas..." was all Sam got out before dropping the phone heaving heavily.

"Sam? Sam? I'm coming." Cas called into the phone as he ran for the dungeon.

Castiel found the brothers huddled together against the wall, both in a state of distress. Sam was going into a full blown panic attack as he fought the urge to lick Dean's cheek of the blood. Dean was more unconscious than awake as his overheated body fought the pure blood trying to change him.

"Sam, are you ok?" Cas asked kneeling beside them and examining each. "What happened?"

"Dean broke loose." Sam finally got out as his eyes hungrily looked again to the red streak on Dean's cheek.

Cas followed his gaze to Dean and saw what had his attention. He reached for a rag and quickly wiped the blood from Dean's face checking the wound to see it was almost healed. He watched Sam tense and swallow hard leaning his head back, closing his eyes as he pushed down the desires. 

"Sam, do you want to move Dean to his room?" Cas asked gently seeing he was not loosening his hold on his brother. "I can take him."

"No!" Sam spat giving him a death glare of if you touch us there will be hell to pay. He shifted under Dean, but didn't release his grip.

"Do you need anything?" 

"Water and maybe a pillow." Sam said calming down when he saw Cas was not going to press him.

"I'll be right back." he replied getting up and heading out of the room.

"We can do this Dee...You have to work with me...Don't give up, please...I love ya man." Sam pleaded with him trying to get him to respond. "I don't want to go on alone...Damnit there's no me without you." Sam's voice hitched in his throat as his lower lip trembled and a stray tear tracked down his cheek. He continued to gently rock his brother in his arms as he continued to mummer in his ear hoping to reach that bit of humanity he knew that was still there. Minutes ticked away as the quiet of the bunker pressed in around them. Sam would be shivering from the cold of the floor if not for the heat wave pouring off his big brother's body.

It felt like an eternity when Sam felt something change in his brother and he quickly felt for a pulse. 

"No! No! Dean don't you dare die on me!" he screamed madly.


	6. Chapter 6

Previous chapter:

 

Sam felt something change in his brother and he quickly felt for a pulse. 

"No! No! Dean don't you dare die on me!" he screamed madly.

Chapter 6

Castiel heard the scream and hurried back to Sam afraid of what he might find. He found him kneeling over Dean checking for a pulse before beginning CPR. Color had left Dean's face turning it grey and pale.

"Cas, need help here." Sam hissed as he pinched Dean's nose and blew two deep breaths into his lungs. He began to do compressions counting as he pressed hard into Dean's chest. "Supply room, there's a defibrillator in there."

"What am I looking for?"

"Plastic case, red first aid cross on it, hurry." Sam said as he checked for a pulse again. 

Cas headed for the supply closet and began searching for the box. He quickly pushed things aside and finally spotted the red box Sam had described. Jerking it off the shelf, he headed back to Sam.

"Do you know how to use this?" Cas asked as Sam jerked it open and glanced at the instructions on the lid. 

"Can't be that hard. I checked it out when we first moved in, still worked." Sam said pulling out a knife to slice Dean's tee shirt out of the way. He pressed the button to charge the machine before taking the paddles and squirting gel on them. He rubbed them together and waited for the machine to charge as he positioned them on Dean's bare chest. "Stand back." When the machine beeped, Sam pressed the button on the paddles sending 200 volts of electricity into Dean's body trying to jump start his heart.

Dean's body jumped from the jolt and limply fell back on the floor. Sam checked the monitor for a heart beat seeing the straight line jump slightly. He charged the machine again to 300 and waited for it to beep before shocking him again. Spikes began to appear on the screen as Dean's heart began to beat again. Sam sat back as relief flooded through him and he carefully watched Dean's chest move up and down in ragged breaths. His pulse was thready and weak, but seemed to be getting stronger.

'Thank God." Sam sighed dropping the paddles back into the box and sitting back. He lovingly stroked Dean’s face as the tears flowed freely down his own. 

"Here, cover him; I'll get some pillows and another blanket." Cas told him laying a hand on Sam's shoulder before leaving to get the items.

"You scared the hell out of me there man, don't do that again." Sam told Dean as he pulled the blanket over his body. "One more and we're done with the injections, then we'll know; you have to be strong for me."

"Sam, I found these sleeping bags, I thought it would make the floor more comfortable." Cas said carrying in a couple of sleeping bags and pillows.

"Thanks Cas." Sam replied taking the sleeping bags, rolling them out on the floor and stacking them beside Dean. He carefully shifted Dean to his side and slid the bags under his body, then rolled him back onto them. Cas slipped a pillow under his head trying to make him more comfortable. 

"I brought you some water." he offered Sam holding out a water bottle.

"Thanks." he said accepting the water. 

"Has he come around?"

"No, it's almost time for the last one, am I killing him Cas? Am I killing my brother?" Sam asked in concern, looking at Dean's trembling form.

"You can't think like that Sam. You're doing this for your brother, you want to cure him. You know he would want this too if he was in his right mind." Cas encouraged not really sure what to say to him. He didn't know if this was going to work or not, nor if Dean would survive it.

spn

Sam went to the table and picked up the last needle and carried it to the makeshift bed. He sat down beside his brother fighting back the fear that was invading his mind. Could he be making a mistake doing this? Doubt and uncertainty snuck in as he looked at the needle trying his best to build the courage up to give the last one. Looking at his watch and seeing it was time, Sam took a deep breath and injected the blood into Dean's arm. The weight of the world seemed to lift off his shoulders as he sat there watching for a response. He put his hand on Dean's chest to insure he was breathing watching it got up and down with each shallow breathe.

Hot molten lava rushed through Dean's veins as the last of the blood made its way to the deepest parts of his body. His body temperature began to rise again as he thrashed around. Sam scooted down beside him and pulled him into his embrace holding him tight to keep him for hurting himself.

"I'm here, we can do this together." Sam whispered. "Remember how you use to hold me when I'd have nightmares or a bad storm freaked me out? You were always there for me, always making sure I was safe, always being the awesome big brother."

Sam continued to talk about their childhood as Cas backed away wanting to let the brothers have this time together. He headed back to the kitchen to continue preparing a meal.

spn

"You used to sing that Beatles song Mom use to sing to you, Hey Jude, it always seemed to calm me down." 

Sam began to hum the song as Dean fought his hold on him. Bit by bit he started to calm down as Sam halfway sung, halfway hummed the song. As Dean relaxed so did Sam and before long both brothers were in that realm of not being awake, but not really being asleep. Sam curled into Dean seeking warmth, while Dean accepted the familiar embrace. Both brothers were exhausted and drained, needing sleep, but finding it hard with the dreams that began to invade their minds. Each struggled with those memories they tried to keep hidden from each other and themselves.

It was Dean who began to wake first as he pulled himself out of the fog that was covering his brain. He began to move trying to figure out what was restraining him, as it tightened around him. After several attempts to clear his bleary eyes, Dean realized there were arms around him and attached to those arms was his baby brother. He lay there for a moment as new feelings began to invade his thoughts, different feelings than he had before. There was no rage or anger toward his brother. He seemed lighter, what he couldn't see was the darkness covering his soul was gone; he was free from the demon force that had taken over. The cure had worked for him; his humanity had taken over again.

Reality pushed his thoughts to the side as Dean noticed how Sam was shivering into his side. He could hear him mumbling incoherent words as he rolled his head back and forth. His arms jerked and tightened as Dean tried to wiggle out of his embrace.

"Sammy." Dean said hoarsely trying to clear his throat so he could talk louder. "Sammy man, wake up?" He pushed Sam's arms away and sat up beside him.

"Dean?" Cas questioned from behind him. He had been checking on the brothers every hour since Sam had given the last injection five hours ago.

"Cas, hey." Dean got out as he tried to take in Sam's condition.

"It worked! I can see the brightness of your soul again." he exclaimed.

"Yeah, I'm back, but Sam doesn't look too good." he frowned pulling the blanket back from his brother's trembling body. "I need to get him out of here."

"Dean, do you remember what happened?"

"Yeah, most of it, not a lot during the injections." he said trying to pulling Sam up into a sitting position only to have Sam begin to fight him. "Sam stop!"

"No, no! I'm sorry!" he cried out as his eyes sprung open but he stared through Dean not really seeing him and began to throw punches.

"Here let me help." Cas offered kneeling and placing two fingers on Sam's forehead. Sam slumped against Dean’s chest asleep, or as close to sleep as he could be.

"Thanks, I got Sam; can you turn down my bed?" Dean instructed pulling Sam up and over his shoulder into a fireman's hold, stumbling slightly but getting his balance to walk down the hall. He noticed immediately how light Sam seemed like he had lost weight, as he carried him to his bedroom.

spn

Cas looked up as Dean walked in with Sam over his shoulder. He had turned down Dean's bed and stood aside as Dean shifted Sam to the bed. Sweat was dripping off Sam's face and his shirt was wet with it and yet his body was shivering uncontrollably. 

"Go get some sweats and a clean tee out of Sam's room, I'm going to get some warm water to wash him down, he's drenched in sweat."

"Ok." Cas nodded feeling good to be useful.

spn

Dean sat a bowl with hot water and wash cloth on the night stand. He dropped a towel beside Sam and proceeded to remove his clothes. He pulled his boots off and unzipped his jeans, pulling them over his hips and grasping the bottoms to pull them rest of the way off. Cas came back in with clean clothes and laid them within his reach. He picked up the sweats and worked them up his legs and over his hips, drawing a blanket up to his waist.

Gently Dean raised Sam's upper body and shucked the shirt and tee Sam had on. He put the towel on the bed and lowered Sam on top of it. With loving care, Dean began to sponge off Sam's sweaty body quickly and efficiently. He couldn't do much with his hair but run a wet cloth through it and use the towel to dry him off. Once he was satisfied with his work, he pulled a tee over his head and worked Sam's arms into the sleeves pulling it down to his waist.

"Cas, why did he do this? He knows how bad coming down is." Dean asked quietly as he brushed Sam's hair out of his eyes.

"Sam was desperate; he was losing hope of finding you and helping you. I didn't know about this until recently or I would have tried to stop him, but Dean you have to understand, he was in a dark place when he was searching for you."

"I didn't want this, he should of stopped looking." he frowned.

"Would you have stopped looking for him if he was lost?" Cas questioned already knowing the answer. "I made some soup, you need to eat."

"Maybe later, I just want to be with my brother." Dean said pulling a chair close to the bed.

"I'll keep it warm." Cas said knowing he needed a little time to adjust.

spn

Dean moved around getting as comfortable as he could so he could watch over Sam. He took a clean cloth and wiped his forehead and face of the new sweat popping out. He laid a hand on his forehead feeling for a fever, but only felt cold, clammy skin. Dean adjusted the blankets around Sam's body and began to talk quietly to him.

"Why Sam, you know what that crap does to you, I wasn't worth it. You should of moved on, stopped hunting, if you wanted, found someone. I never wanted you to do this for me." he sighed rubbing a hand down his face. He watched Sam struggling in his fugue state as the withdrawals began to work on him. 

"Dee." Sam mumbled in his sleep fighting the covers.

"I'm here Sammy, I'll help you get through this, I'm not going anywhere." 

He pulled his weapon's bag out of the corner and rummaged around pulling out two sets of handcuffs. He fastened one to the bottom bedpost and the other to Sam's ankle before linking them together. This way, if he did go to sleep, Sam couldn't get away. He knew he had to have a stash somewhere and didn't want him having access to it. 

"Help me." he cried out as his body tensed, stiffening every limb so hard Dean thought something might break.

"I'm right here Sammy, its ok, hang in there." Dean answered readjusting the blankets and stroking a hand down his cheek. Sam leaned into the touch, even in his state; he knew that familiar touch meant safety. His mind tried to latch onto this as he struggled to keep the demons down. "Don't you quit on me you hear?" Dean demanded as he caught Sam's hands before they threw off the blankets again. Sam's breathing was coming in short, hard, wheezing pants as the cravings twisted and merged in his body. Dean held on tight to his cold hands in fear that Sam would hurt himself. If Sam could see him through his trials, there was no way in hell Dean was letting him do this alone.


	7. Chapter 7

Previous Chapter

"Don't you quit on me you hear?" Dean demanded as he caught Sam's hands before they threw off the blankets again. Sam's breathing was coming in short, hard, wheezing pants as the cravings twisted and merged in his body. Dean held on tight to his cold hands in fear that Sam would hurt himself. If Sam could see him through his trials, there was no way in hell Dean was letting him do this alone.

Chapter 7

A voice was working its way through the fog of Sam's mind as he tried to concentrate on the location. He knew that voice and knew he had to find its source, 'cause there he would be safe and comforted. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't seem to fight his way out of the waves of emotions and pain invading his thoughts. 

Dean knew hallucinations would be starting, if they hadn't already. He wished he could keep Sam out for the length of the withdrawal, but knew that could be more harmful than good. Cas had come in several times to check on him and brought a bowl of soup standing over him until he ate it. Dean had to admit, he did feel better after eating the soup. 

The room had changed; Sam was not in the bunker anymore as he opened his eyes to look around. His eyes widened in fright as he realized where he was, he was back in the cage with Lucifer. He crab walked backwards until his back hit resistance. 

"Well if it isn't my old roommate." Lucifer crooned stepping out of the shadows. "Did you come back to play?"

"No, this isn't real." Sam begged shaking his head no.

"Awe, come on Sammy, we had such a good time, I'm sure you haven't forgot the fun we had." Lucifer laughed as he strolled toward him.

"No! Please! I can't!" Sam moaned trying to curl into himself and make his body as small as possible.

spn

With all of Sam's fighting the blankets and striking out at unknown monsters, Dean decided it would be easier to just lay down with him and hold him still. He had Sam pulled into his chest, with his head resting in the nap of his neck while talking soothingly into his ear. 

"Sammy, I don't know where you are, but ya've gotta believe me when I tell you it's not real. You're safe bro, you did it, you cured me. You know ya've beaten this before, several times, you can do it again." Dean assured him holding his body still as Sam tried to pull away for a few moments before burying his head into Dean's neck and sobbed. Dean did his best to soothe his baby brother wondering what torture he was reliving. 

"Please, no more pain." Sam sobbed helplessly. He could feel each injury rip through his body doubling him over in pain. In the back of his mind he felt strong arms holding him, calm words trying to comfort him and a so familiar hand carding through his hair. He used all his energy to try and open his eyes, he knew if he could just see who it was, it would be better; he could win this inner battle he was fighting. 

Sam's body felt so cold, even though he was still sweating. Dean had three blankets and a comforter pulled up over them and was sweating about much as Sam, but he didn't throw them off. He knew he had to keep Sam warm and if it meant sweating some himself, he would. He shifted as Sam tried to move even closer to him. He fisted Dean's shirt tightly in his hands like he did when they were young and Sam sought him out for comfort. Ever the big brother, Dean always made sure Sam was cared for and protected. No one hurt his baby brother and got away with it, but it was times like this where the solution wasn't black and white that made him feel useless. How could he fight something he couldn't even see?

Sam’s breath hitched against Dean's neck as his sobbing slowed and he drifted off to sleep. Dean felt the change in Sam's body as it relaxed into him. He continued to rub small circles up and down Sam's back, encouraged that he finally seemed to be sleeping. He felt Cas standing in the doorway checking on them and glanced his way.

"Sam doing better?" Cas spoke quietly so as not to wake him.

"Finally sleeping." Dean answered softly. 

"I will check on you two in the morning, good night Dean."

"Ok." 

spn

Dean felt his eyes lids growing heavy as Sam whimpered into his shirt. He tried to move his arm that had gone to sleep and found he couldn't. He winced in pain as he slipped Sam's head to the pillow and turned carefully to his side. Sam sensed the movement and wiggled closer into his back seeking the warmth of his brother.

"It's ok, I need to pee, I'll be right back." Dean told him pulling the cover up to Sam's chin.

Dean slipped out of bed and went across the hall to the bathroom. He sighed with relief as he emptied his bladder and stretched the kinks out of his back. Dean splashed water on his face and used a hand towel to dry it before looking at his reflection in the mirror. Noise from the bedroom drew his attention and he headed back that way.

"Sam?" Dean questioned finding an empty rumpled bed. He quickly walked around the bed and found Sam lying in the floor his foot still cuffed to the bed. "Sammy!" 

"No...Don't hurt me...no more." Sam begged still delirious from the withdrawals.

"It's me Sammy, I won’t hurt you." Dean coaxed as he got him back into the bed.

"Dee, have to save him." Sam mumbled as his eyes fluttered shut.

"You did little brother, you did." Dean whispered to him. He started to get up when Sam grabbed his arm in a vice like grip.

"Don't leave me." he pleaded in desperation. 

"Alright, think you can drink a little water?" he asked taking a water bottle and holding his head up so he could sip some. Sam grabbed at the bottle trying to gulp more. "Whoa, not so fast, don't wanna make yourself sick." 

Sam let his head fall back on the pillow as he let the cool water wet his dry throat. The pain had subsided some, but was trying to build back up and start again. It began in the pit of his stomach and worked upward causing his body to spasm and twitch. 

"How could you do this to yerself son?" Bobby asked.

Sam looked up and saw Bobby standing by the bed looking down at him with disappointment.

"I had to." he cried.

"Such a disappointment, I thought I taught ya better."

"It was for Dean." he whispered.

Dean tried to make out what he was saying and looking in the direction Sam was looking. 

"Sam, who ya talkin' to?"

"Bobby." Sam mumbled sadly as he tried to curl up in a ball.

"No Sammy, it wasn't real, you're hallucinating."

"Are you real?" he asked looking up at him.

"Of course I'm real. Here feel me." he replied taking Sam's hand in his. "Try to rest."

"It hurts." 

"I know, but I think the worse is over. I'll be right here." Dean assured him as he got on the bed beside Sam and let him snuggle into his side. He made himself comfortable and began to card a hand through Sam's hair. That simple action seemed to calm Sam down enough to let him fitfully doze. 

spn

Cas came in the next morning with coffee to find both brothers asleep. Dean was still partly sitting up in bed and Sam was glued to his side. Dean shifted his position and moaned as he popped his neck before looking up at Cas.

"Coffee." Dean grunted as he pushed up in the bed to accept the cup. Sam groaned and feebly reached for the warm body that had shifted from his reach. "Hey little bro, think you can handle some coffee?"

"Can't move." he whined pulling at his leg. 

"Hold on." Dean said reaching down to un-cuff his ankle. "Better?"

"Thanks." Sam sighed shifting his body so he could sit up.

"How you feeling?" Dean asked him giving him a once over.

"Washed out, tired, weak." Sam replied taking the offered cup in a shaky hand. Luckily, Cas had only filled his cup half full and it didn't spill. He steadied the cup with both hands and sipped the coffee. 

"Think you can handle a shower?" Dean asked him.

"Maybe." he answered smelling the sweaty tee he was wearing and wrinkling his nose. He did smell disgusting, but that wasn't all that was on his mind. He began to calculate how to get alone and to the stash he had hidden in the bunker. If he had just a sip, it would take the edge off and he could taper himself off the blood. 

"I'll change the sheets and Cas can get you something to eat." Dean continued watching him carefully, knowing there was more going on with Sam than he was saying. He knew his little brother and how he thought. "I'll get you some clean clothes and get you to the bathroom."

"Thanks." Sam said sitting up on the side of the bed waiting for the room to stop spinning and his stomach to stop rolling. He bit back the bile that was rising in his throat, trying to keep himself from throwing up. He slowly stood on wobbly legs as Dean hovered beside him.

"You ok there?"

"Yeah, just need to get my legs working." Sam responded as he took a step toward the door. Seeing he was able to move on his own accord, he slowly continued to the bathroom. Dean flipped on the light and heat as he stepped to the entry.

"I'll go get you some clean clothes." he told Sam pulling the door partly closed.

"Thanks." Sam said as he leaned against the sink for a moment gathering his strength. He could feel the craving gnawing at his gut, wanting to be satisfied. Could he resist the pull? Could he break the hold it had on him? Was he strong enough? 

"Here's your clothes." Dean said pushing the door open enough to hand in his clothes. "Do you need me to stay with you?"

"No, I'll be ok."

"Alright, I'll check on you in a bit." he told him giving him a quick once over to be sure he seemed steady.

spn

Sam waited a few minutes before going to the door and listening. He cracked it open and peeked out looking quickly down the hall for Dean or Cas. With no one in sight, he slipped out the door and using the wall for support made his way down the hallway toward one of the storage rooms that was not really used.

He opened the door and looked behind him before entering the room. He flipped the lights and dim rays broke the darkness, but didn’t reach all of the corners of the room. Shadows loomed around him as he made his way to a shelf in the back and the box he had hid there. He moved items around, frowning when what he was looking for wasn't there. Panic coursed through his body as he looked on another shelf, pushing things out of the way. He knocked boxes off the shelf franticly searching for his stash.

"Looking for something?" a familiar voice asked from the doorway of the room.

"What, no...I-I- was...there..." Sam stuttered trying to gain control of his emotions.

"Sammy, did you not think I wouldn't have Cas find it and get rid of it?" Dean asked crossing his arms across his chest. He wasn't angry with his brother; he knew how hard it was to break an addiction. "Come on, you still need that shower." he said softly to his brother waiting on him to react.

Sam stood surrounded by the mess he had made trying to keep his body from shaking and showing how much he needed the blood. He looked into his brother's eyes and saw concern and caring, but no pity or anger or disappointment. He let his shoulders slump and head hang as he walked toward his brother.

Dean saw the defeat on Sam's face and in his body language. Ever the big brother, he put an arm around Sam's shoulders and guided him back toward the bathroom. Sam needed his support and help to kick this and that was what he was going to get. He wasn't letting him go through this alone.

"Come on bro, a shower will help and maybe some food, you can't give up now, you're almost there." 

"I know it's just so hard..." he started barely whispering loud enough for Dean to hear.

"Together, you don't have to do this on your own. I'm right here for ya." Dean answered opening the bathroom door so Sam could go in. "I'll be out here waiting for you."

Sam nodded slightly before entering the room, letting Dean close the door behind him. He blinked back the tears as he turned on the water, waiting for it to heat up. As steam began to fill the room, Sam stripped off his smelly clothes and stepped under the hot spray. He stood there and let it beat on his head feeling tension and stress drip from his body and wash down the drain.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: It has come to an end. I hope you like my ending. Until we cross paths again, keep on reading.

NC

 

Chapter 8

With clean clothes and clean body, Sam did feel slightly better, but felt his stomach twist and churn from the coffee he drank. He leaned against the sink willing chaos to calm down before leaving the bathroom.

Dean was leaning against the wall waiting for Sam to emerge from the bathroom. He straightened up watching his brother cautiously. Sam pushed his damp hair out of his face as he gave his brother a slight smile.

"You good?" 

"Yeah, just a little queasy still."

"You need to eat somethin', how 'bout toast and hot tea?"

Sam dropped his dirty clothes just inside Dean's bedroom before following him to the kitchen. Cas was busy cooking something Sam wanted nothing to do with. His stomach did a flip-flop as he gulped a mouth full of air. 

"Cas, Sam needs something bland, like toast, says stomach bugging him." Dean told him as he looked in the cabinet for tea bags. 

"Got it, toast to start." Cas said pulling bread from a bag and popping it in the toaster. 

Sam sat at the table watching his brother and Cas work around each other. He had Dean back, that was what counted, the other stuff he could deal with, he just had to keep it under control until it was completely out of his system. He had to be positive, he could do this, his brother believed in him, he was not going to let him down.

Cas set a plate with toast in front of him and went back to the stove to finish what he was cooking. Sam picked up a piece of toast and took a small bit chewing it slowly. He tried to swallow, but the bite would not go down. Sam grabbed a glass of water and began to sip it trying to get it to slide down his throat. 

"You ok bro?" Dean asked noticing Sam's discomfort.

Sam felt his gag reflex kicking in and stumbled from the table toward the bathroom. He could feel the bile burn up his throat as he dropped to the floor at the commode and spit out the water and bread. He heaved again coughing up bile lodged in the back of his throat. He felt something cold being placed in his hand as Dean placed a cup of cold water there to rinse his mouth out. 

"Rinse." Dean told him placing a hand on his shoulder for comfort.

Sam obeyed his brother and sipped the cold water swishing it around before spitting it out. The sour, disgusting taste still lingered in the back of his throat as he tried to swallow it down. He leaned his head into his arm hoping that was it. Another wave of dry heaves coursed up his body making him gag again. His stomach clenched in a spasm before finally settling back down. Sam set back leaning against the cabinet taking short breaths praying that was it.

Dean looked down at the pale face of his brother as a worried expression crossed his face and quickly disappeared. He didn't want Sam to know how concerned he was.

"Sammy, think you can make it back to bed?" he asked softly.

"Give me a sec." he croaked. 

"Take your time, try sipping a little water. You need to keep hydrated." 

Sam put the cup to his lips and wet his mouth slightly afraid to actually drink. He let a few drops trickle down his raw throat soothing it slightly. When his stomach didn't rebel, he tried another small swallow. 

"Dean, I made Sam some ginger tea to settle his stomach." Cas offered holding out a cup of tea.

"Thanks Cas, how do you know 'bout stuff like that?"

"I watch Doctor Oz." he said matter of fact.

Dean gave him a strange look arching his eye brows at his response. Sam accepted the cup with a thankful nod and tried a little sip. Cas had sweetened it with honey to cut the tart taste and it didn't taste bad. He paused and took another sip letting the warmth of the liquid spread through his stomach and outward into the rest of his body. His stomach fluttered slightly, but seemed to calm more with each sip.

"Come on, let's get you in bed." Dean said helping Sam to his feet and guiding him to his room and his bed.

Sam didn't complain about this being Dean's room, he liked the idea of staying here instead of his own room. It seemed to comfort him to be in here with its familiar surroundings and smells of his brother. It felt like his brother, giving him a sense of safety and peace. Dean pulled back the clean sheet letting Sam settle on the bed. Sam set the cup down and laid back, letting his body sink into the memory foam mattress as Dean pulled the sheet and blanket up over his body. 

"Try to rest ok. I'll be in the kitchen grabbing a bite to eat."

"M-m-m." Sam responded his eyes already getting heavy.

Dean and Cas left Sam to sleep and headed back to the main room.

"Did I do it right?" Cas asked when they were out of ear shot of Sam.

"Yeah, the sedative should let him sleep for a while and hopefully the cravings will weaken." 

"Would you like an omelet? I am getting better at making them." 

"I guess." Dean replied unsure if he wanted to try the angel's cooking or not. The last time he cooked, Dean had to throw a box of baking soda on the fire. He smiled at the memory and sat back watching Cas crack eggs into a bowl.

"Would you like ham and cheese?"

"Sure, might as well go all out." Dean sighed his thoughts on his brother.

"He's strong, Sam will be ok." Cas tried to assure him. He was still not that good with human emotions but he had gotten better. He knew humans needed assurance and support when they had doubt.

Sam felt the pull of sleep sweep over his body as he breathed in the familiar scent of his big brother. He let his mind float on a sea of nothingness, as shapes moved just out of his vision. Sam tried to grasp onto a shape, but they were moving too fast. Smells assaulted him, rich, coppery, slightly metallic. If a color could be smelled he was sure the deep crimson of blood would smell like this. His body was pushing for the need to be fed, while his mind was pulling away trying to force the urges down and away. Sam tossed and turned panting hard as the struggle continued inside of him.

"I'm going to have to go to town for supplies; will you be alright while I'm gone?" Cas asked Dean as he finished his food.

"No problem, but Cas, next time go a little easy on the salt and pepper ok?" Dean commented on his food.

"Of course, most humans over season their food." Cas nodded taking the dirty dishes to the kitchen. "Anything you would like me to buy?"

"Pie, always get pie." Dean said grabbing a water and small bottle of ginger ale from the fridge.

"I will return as soon as I can."

Dean walked down the hall to his bedroom, pausing in the doorway to look in at his sleeping brother. He could only make out the mop of brown hair sticking up above the blanket. At least he seemed to be resting easy this time. He strolled on into the room and positioned a chair at the head of the bed where he was near the lamp.

Sam sensed someone in the room as he pulled himself out of the mist and pushed toward wakefulness. He took a couple of deep breaths before fluttering his eyes open. He could make out a body sitting by the bed as he focused hard on it. After a couple of seconds, Sam was finally able to make out Dean sitting in a chair reading a magazine. He shifted in the bed and tried to clear his throat to talk.

Dean looked up and saw Sam was awake. "Hey little brother, how you feeling?"

'Better." he said hoarsely pushing himself up in the bed so he could lean against the headboard.

"Here, sip this." Dean told him holding out the ginger ale.

"Thanks." Sam replied drinking some of the ginger ale and allowing it to moisten his throat and settle in his stomach. After a couple of minutes, when his stomach didn't protest, he sipped some more feeling it ease his rolling stomach.

"Go easy." Dean cautioned.

"I know it seems to be helping." he said sitting the drink on the nightstand. "Dean can we talk?" he asked looking sideways at Dean.

"Sure Sammy." Dean said sitting up in the chair and closing the magazine he was reading. He looked closely at Sam and saw him fidgeting under the blanket as he gathered his courage to continue.

"I'm sorry." he said quietly, examining his hands.

"For what?" Dean asked puzzled by his words.

"For everything, I've said some really hurtful and mean things to you. I said we weren't brothers, not family..."

"Sam, pl..."

"Let me finish, please Dean." Sam begged.

Dean leaned back into the chair and waited for Sam to continue.

"I want you to know, I understand now; I really do, and we will never not be brothers. Nothing is going to change us being brothers, no matter what life throws at us. You've always been there for me, even when I didn't want it. I wish I could rewind our lives and do a retake. There are so many things I would do differently. I was such an ass treating you like I did, freezing you out the way I did. I should of told you this sooner, before everything that happened. My guilt weighted me down and I didn't think I was going to be able to tell you any of this...I hope you can find it in you to forgive me." Sam paused with his words waiting for Dean to respond.

Dean looked long and hard at Sam, watching him squirm slightly under his gaze. He looked down at the floor for a moment and then leaned his elbows on knees before answering. 

"Sammy, first, you have nothing to be sorry for. I was wrong in what I did to you without your knowledge. Second, I should be the one saying I'm sorry. I should never have let this fester for so long, we should of talked long before now and aired all this out. You'll always be my baby brother and I will always look out for you, that's not ever going to change." he stopped for a moment, watching Sam's face as the words began to sink in. "You know it's always going to be you and me against the world, and no matter what crap gets thrown at us, we'll have each others backs and meet it head on together." 

Sam looked into Dean's green eyes as tears broke free from his and trickled down his cheeks. A look of happiness, hopefulness and relief crossed his face as he launched himself from the bed to embrace his big brother in a bear hug. 

Dean grunted as he took his little brother's weight and hugged him back fighting the tears in his own eyes. 

"I love you." Sam mumbled just loud enough for Dean to hear. 

"Right back at ya bro." Dean smiled.

Their bond was once again strong for the brothers. Dean was certain that they could face whatever this cruel world threw at them, united they were stronger, united they merged into one, united they were a force to be reckoned with. 

The End


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 4

The bunker was so quiet as Sam sat at the table nursing a cup of coffee with his hand in a bowl of ice and water. He concentrated on controlling all the raw emotions tumbling around in his head. He had to keep it together; he couldn't give up on Dean. His thoughts were interrupted when a banging at the bunker door made him jump.

Grabbing his gun, he headed up the steps to the door to see who it was. The knock sounded again and he heard a familiar voice call to him.

"Sam, its Castiel." he called.

Sam pulled the door open and smiled slightly, "Hey Cas, glad you made it, you're looking better."

"Do you still have Dean?" Castiel asked ignoring his comment.

"Yeah, I started the first dose and he's due for the next in five minutes." he replied turning to head back down the stairs. Cas followed behind him as Sam headed for the kitchen.

"Sam, what aren't you telling me?" Cas questioned as he stepped in front of him stopping his progress.

"Nothing Cas, I'm fine." Sam answered looking around the kitchen at anything but Cas.

Cas grabbed Sam's arm tightly making Sam wince and look at him. "What did you do?" he asked sternly.

"What I had to." Sam yelled back. "I did what I had to." Sam jerked his arm away and stalked toward the dungeon.

Castiel let out a long breath knowing the brothers too well to know this was not good. They would do anything for each other, anything. He slowly followed after Sam to see Dean.

"Well if it isn't the angel. How you doing there Feathers?" Dean asked as Castiel stepped into view.

"Hello Dean."

"Ya come to watch the show?"

Sam had another needle ready and stepped closer to Dean injecting it into this neck. Dean clenched his jaw as the blood burned through his body. Sweat broke out across his forehead as his body tensed. He looked up with hatred that caused Sam to step back slightly. Dean growled in pain as he did his best to not let it show. 

"How ya feeling there Sammy? That craving digging around in the pit of your stomach yet?"

Sam pinched his lips together and turned on his heels walking out. Castiel looked sadly at Sam's retreating back and turned to Dean.

"You know he's only trying to help you." 

"I don't need his help, I was fine. I asked him to let me go." he hissed as another spasm hit him causing him to double over.

"This is not you talking Dean, it's the mark, I'm going to check on your brother." Castiel told him leaving him to suffer alone.

spn

Castiel found Sam in Dean's bedroom sitting on the bed looking at old pictures of their youth. There was one of the Winchester family just before Sam turned six months old, one of Sam and Dean in their teens, another taken at Bobby's of them fooling around, some of the good times in their otherwise unpredictable, chaotic, lives. Lives filled with loss, death, betrayal, sacrifice and an undying love between brothers that could never be broken no matter how bad they hurt each other. 

The emotions tumbled around in his head as memories of better days floated on the outskirts sending his feelings on a roller coaster ride. Castiel paused, giving him some space. Sam ducked his head and wiped a stray tear off his cheek when he sensed Castiel behind him. 

"Are you ok?" Castiel asked quietly.

Sam cleared his throat and put the pictures back where Dean had them before getting up and answering. 

"I'm ok. How's Dean?" he said in a stronger voice.

"He is starting to feel the effects; I guess with each dose that it will get worse."

"Do you think this'll work Cas?"

"I don't know, we have to have faith."

"Faith." Sam scoffed at the word, having lost his a long time ago. After all that had happened to them, he couldn't find it in himself to believe anymore.

spn

So much had happened to the brothers in their lifetime than any normal person could even begin to comprehend. Heaven and Hell had tried to destroy them, but their bond was strong, even when they were on the outs with each other, a bond that started the day Sam was brought home from the hospital. The moment Dean laid eyes on his baby brother, he knew he was responsible for him; he had to watch over him and keep him safe. After their Mom's death, their father had drilled it into Dean that he was to protect Sam. It had been so deeply ingrained in his DNA, that he didn't know any other way until now, with the mark consuming him and changing him.

Castiel looked hard at Sam seeing the anger emitting off him in waves. With the demon blood coursing hotly through his veins, his emotions were on overdrive. Sam turned away from Castiel not wanting him to see this side of him. He was embarrassed that Castiel was here. 

"It's ok Sam; I know you did it for your brother. After we get Dean back, I'll help you."

"What happened to you, I thought you were almost out of grace."

"I'm not sure, I was jumped and beaten, but someone helped me and gave me more grace. I didn't really see who it was."

"So you're good for now?"

"Yes for the time being, but this grace will also be used up and I will need to have more or die."

"So once we fix Dean, we need to find your grace and restore it."

"If it is possible, if not, I have come to terms with the aspects of dying. I have no regret with the choices I have made, though some were not my best, but I am glad I stood with you and Dean. You have showed me the meaning of true friendship and family."

"You're not going to die Cas, we'll figure something out. We're glad you're part of our family too." Sam said checking his watch. It was almost time to administer another shot to Dean and he wasn't looking forward to it.

"Sam, I can do it." Cas said quietly sensing his uneasiness. 

"No, I need to be the one to do it; it's my place, but thanks for the offer."

spn

Several hours and several injections later, Sam watched as Dean shivered and moaned in pain. Sweat dripped down his face in rivulets that crisscrossed his cheeks before dripping off. His breath came in short pants as he tried to hide his discomfort from his brother.

Searing, flowing, burning foreign blood coursed through his veins faster now. With each injection Sam gave him, the pain became worse. Every nerve ending was sizzling and all Dean wanted to do was rip his skin off. He jerked and pulled on the cuffs trying to free his arms to no avail. Black ebony eyes glared at Sam with such hatred and rage it caused Sam to pause as uncertainty crossed his face. If Dean had been free, Sam didn't doubt that he would have killed him without hesitation. 

Dean closed his eyes to his brother's stare as he fought the urge to upchuck. His heart raced in his chest, each beat sending more of the blessed blood deeper and deeper into every inch of his body. It felt like needles were being jabbed into his body repeatedly. Images zipped through his mind of pain and torture from a time he wanted to remain locked away. Doors were opening that had been locked and closed for a long time, allowing those unresolved emotions free. He fought to push them back and close those doors but they kept coming open.

"You'll pay for this little brother." he growled through clenched teeth jerking hard on the bindings. "You shouldn't of started this."

"How can you say that? I know you; you would have done the same thing to me." Sam shot back.

"Would I? Are you so sure of that?" he asked switching his eyes back to green to glare at him.

Castiel took Sam's arm and pulled him from the room closing the door behind them.

"Are we doing the right thing here Cas? What if we're killing him?" Sam questioned.

"I know your brother and how he thinks, he would rather die trying to be cured than live like this, be something he hunted and despised. The Dean I know would do whatever it took. We have to be strong for him Sam." Cas tried to explain. 

"It's just hard seeing him that way." Sam responded swallowing hard. He could feel that itch beginning in the back of his mind, that urge pushing forward making him want more. He knew he had to be strong and not take more unless he needed it. The more he drank, the more he would want, and the harder it would be to stop all together. He bit his lip trying to control his craving that was growing ever bigger.

"You ok Sam?" Cas asked eyeing him carefully watching Sam's hand shake.

"I'm ok." he finally got out clenching his fists tightly and heading back to the kitchen not wanting to continue the conservation.

Castiel reluctantly followed behind him knowing there was more he wasn't telling him. He could feel the inner turmoil in Sam's mind as he fought his own demons; ones that would be as hard as his brother's to cure. The next few days were not going to be easy for either brother and it would take all their strength and willpower to overcome their adversities. Life had never been easy for the Winchester brothers so why would it start now. They had beat all the odds and Cas could not see them giving up now, no matter how much either protested against it. He was going to be the voice of reason for each brother and stand by their side until it ended, no matter the outcome.


End file.
